Some kind of

Hearthstone Creepypasta

March 23rd 2017

I just got home from my very special monthly health cure. Other people get a massage or take a day off. I am totally satisfied with the ramen soup I get at that certain Thai restaurant. Every time I swing by, the old lady takes a peak out of the kitchen and prepares my meal just the way I like it. Compared to this soup pure Tabasco tastes like butter milk. When I consume it, liquids escape my body in almost every way imaginable. After finishing all the fish toppings and noodles, I start drinking every last single drop of what seems to be pure chilli water. By then even some single tears had escaped my eyes.

Anybody watching me at that point, would think that I am getting tortured. But in fact all bacteria inside my body are getting killed effectively and after this one meal I feel like others feel after a weekend at a spa. And who got time for a day off, when there is Hearthstone to play beside your day job?

„When I consume it, liquids escape my body in almost every way imaginable.“

Back home I immediately turned to my second profession. The addictive card game from Blizzard has occupied my life for some years now. Most of the time I have a lot of fun playing it. But as my stomach was still fighting the overdose of chilli, I encountered a guy overusing the emotes all the time. I hate these guys – I am to stubborn to silence them – but I hate them anyway. So it felt especially good to crush him in the worst manner possible and with a final < Well met! >.

After the game my opponent sent me a friend request. What a surprise! As usual I accepted the request to enjoy the rage. „Everything fine my friend?“ my first response read. But the answer wasn’t the usual „f*** your mo****“ or similar curses. The only message I received was „If you think you are so good, I got a surprise for you!“ Then he unfriended me. Even after playing a few more games I still couldn’t shake the strange feeling in my gut, which totally wasn’t coming from the chilli overdose.

But some hours later the whole incident was already forgotten. It had not been the first time that I got flamed in Hearthstone and he’d just come up with a new creative way to do it. It is just online rage anyway. Nothing real about it. That’s when I remembered my need for groceries. So I headed out into the dark night to get me some baked beans and eggs for breakfast next day. Nevertheless my stomach and I had to come to terms once again.

„It felt especially good to crush him in the worst manner possible and with a final < Well met! >.“

The last thing I remembered was crossing the street in front of my apartment building. And now I am here trapped in this nightmare. The room is dirty and windowless. It feels like a basement far underground. Everything is dark expect one flickering light in front of me. I recognize the image but my mind can’t focus on it. All my mental power is trying to find out, what is going on with my body. My right arm is free to move. The rest of my body is constraint in some weird kind of dentist chair. But the whole diabolic construct seems to be rotated 45 degrees downwards. I got the feeling I would fall out of it, if it weren’t for those tight leather belts. But my head is locked in place as well, so i can’t really see what’s beneath me. I have to look at this flickering screen in the dark.

Suddenly I recognize a new source of light. The rich Russian kid, who abducted me, enters the room and starts explaining my situation to me:

Sven: „As you insist on being such a smartass, I will put your Hearthstone skills to a real test. The device you are finding yourself in at the moment, will help me with this task. Ahhh… maybe I should describe the task first. I want you to reach legend on this account with the most popular deck at the moment. You have 24 hours to do so. If you fail, you will be set free in a pretty uncomfortable way.“

„My head is locked in place so I can’t really see what’s beneath me. I have to look at this flickering screen in the dark.“

All of a sudden something starts working beneath me and it makes a really uncomfortable sound. Of course the monitor in front of me is showing the Hearthstone splash screen. The only available deck has a 59,5 % winrate if played perfectly in the current meta. So here I am. My whole life is depending on the next top deck. With that grinding sound beneath me, concentrating is nearly impossible and I have to play the game I love to hate. On the bright side: You don’t get kidnapped by a crazy Russian kid over nothing every month.